Getting hurt

Getting hurt, and I don't mean when you stub your toe or brake a bone and such. I mean when you are with those you love and get emotionally hurt by them. What does it mean to get hurt by someone you love and care for? My answer, if it counts for anything, it's that we hurt ourselves. What I mean by that is, that, knowingly or not, we expect situations to go in a certain way, and when it doesn't happen to our expectations, then we feel hurt. So, how do we go threw our lives without getting hurt? I don't think that's possible, unless you have absolutely no emotions at all. And even though that may sound great at times, it really isn't. We should have expectations, hopes, dreams and such in our lives. Because if we didn't, we wouldn't ever enjoy the most wonderful things out there. The best thing I can say is, try, hope and keep your head held high. That sucks at times when you feel alone. But, then try to remember the best parts of your life. When your children where born, when you graduated, when you were promoted or won an award, when you fell in love. Even if it didn't work out, didn't you get something out of it? Maybe some self confidence, or a look at another side of yourself, or even to know that you can have such wonderful feelings for someone and that they return them, even if for only a moment. Say thank you for getting hurt/disappointed. Say thank you for showing you that you are alive. Say thank you for anything. The only reason we get hurt is because things don't hold up to our expectations. A possible 'help', not 'fix', but help for that is to communicate with those around you. They are not mind readers you know. But if they are open to listening you may not get what you want, but, on the other hand, maybe you will. But remember, everybody, everyday have their own issues they are dealing with, and you may just as well be hurting them, not intentionally, but still hurting them, because you didn't know how to read their mind, or, you didn't want to do what they asked. So, basically, we all hurt each other and ourselves at the same time. All we can do is live, learn and try to be happy and be there for ourselves and others. Nobody can have what they want all of the time, but, we sure can try. And if we remember that we could enjoy those times with the special people around us, then we can have an even happier life. And maybe people will stop getting hurt.

Love

So, I wanted to tell him I love him. I had several opportunities, but I couldn't. I chickened out. Why? Maybe I was afraid that he wouldn't say it back? But, I told myself that no matter what , I needed to let him know.
He knows. I just didn't say the words, but he knows. I couldn't say them because it's not my place to, and he knows that. But, what would he have done if I had told him? If I actually said, "I love you", if I said, "I'm in love with you". These 2 statements mean sooooo much to me. I really take them seriously. I don't just say "love". Oh, I do love him. I do, think I could fall in love with him, if I'm not already there, that is. But, that love would be so much better if he loved me back, and was 'in love' with me. And, maybe he is. But because of our situation we may never really know how each of us feels. Except, to trust that we both have the same feelings, and maybe another time and place we could explore them. One day, one night, to totally express ourselves to each other. No fantasy, but true feelings. True Love. Hart pounding, breath taking, total immersion into one being. Doesn't that sound exhilarating?
But 'love' hurts also. Sometimes, you have to let go. Hoping someday you can have it back. Not that it went away, but, it needed to spread it's wings and grow. It is selfish to keep 'love' to yourself. Everybody should experience love and enjoy all of the ups and downs of it. To share it and to grow with it. I'm not sure I ever experienced 'love' like this before, and it's hard to let go. It's scary that it may never come back, and you have to cherish those moments and to know that the other person will always cherish them also. But, to actually say and hear those words, and to know they are real, must be amazing. I hope I get that experience one day.

"PS. I LOVE YOU"

So, I just saw the movie "PS. I Love You", great movie. It is such a chick flick, but any guy who goes to see it with their significate other, will probably have one of the best nights of their life.
I have my secret lover of sorts. We, don't do anything but flirt with each other, but it's absolutely magnificate. We have fantasies with each other, about each other. Well, where this is going , is, that if things were different, we would have tried it out. I think it would have worked. I believe that it would have. I know we can love many different things at many different times of our lives. But, sometimes it's just not the right time except for that moment. That moment that can last forever. That moment can be 5 minutes, to 5 days, to 50 years.
Well, this movie basically says that. Things happen, and we continue on. We have our time of morning, we have our time of healing, we have our time to move on, we have our time to remember. It doesn't mean that what we had was nothing, it just means that it ran it's course. We have to take all the best parts and remember them and honor them. We even have to remember the not so bad parts so as to not to repeat these things. But, remember that true love will be with you forever.
I cried my eyes out the entire movie, most of the audience did. But, for me, it's just that the relationship that they had was the kind of relationship that most people, (men and women alike), want and even crave for. I believe that that's what my relationship was, of sorts. What it could have been at another time. I'm not doing a shoulda, woulda, coulda thing. It just is/was.
In the movie, they say in 1 part that 'Jerry, wakes up and can't wait to see Holly.' Isn't that what we all want?
I can't wait to see my secret lover. It's not that I can't survive with out him, but I feel that he helps to complete me, and me him. I feel that just being around him helps fill any voids I may have. I know that I should fill those voids without him, but, it's very nice to share with him. To share my space, to share everything and anything.
The movie explains it much better than I do. I'm sure that everybody who sees this movie will have their own story or thoughts for them, but for me, I just saw what I want, what I have/had. I do love him, but I will and need to move on with some of the most wonderful memories.
PS. I LOVE YOU